


When it's over

by HijikataTrash



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Characters Death, Forgive Me, Other, Sad, i have no excuses for this, really really angsty, sad!Gintoki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7950538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HijikataTrash/pseuds/HijikataTrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gintoki never thought this day would come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When it's over

**Author's Note:**

> I always see one shots with Gintoki dying/disappearing, but never the contrary. So here it is, please enjoy and don't hate me for this!

Gintoki never imagined that this day would come. He never once considered the possibility that they would go before him. He had done everything in his power to protect them for so many years and he had been successful until now. 

Just yesterday they were sitting in front of the small t.v in the Yorozuya, enjoying a poor written soap opera. Shinpachi hadn't stopped once critiquing the bad story line and after every remark could be heard Kagura's threat of killing him if he uttered another word. Gintoki had mostly enjoyed the good time they were spending together. Because he knew they wouldn't last forever.

But he thought he was going to be the one to abandon them, thus ending their reunion when they didn't have work. Not the contrary. Not ever had it crossed his mind that everything they had lived would be erased so early, so easily.

Just this morning, Gintoki had fought with Otose about the not paid rent while Kagura munched on Sukonbu and Shinpachi talked with Tama. They had lunch all together and had a long walk with Sadaharu where they crossed paths with the Shinsengumi. Kagura and Sougo bickered a little, Gintoki had a quite normal talk with Hijikata about the recent's attacks on youngsters by dangerous Amanto. Kondo warned Shinpachi about it too, but he didn't pay it much thought and neither did Gintoki. They had overcome way worse, what was some rebels against their trio? 

But Gintoki had been wrong, oh so wrong. The rebel Amanto wasn't just anyone, they had large numbers and strong soldiers. It was an unexpected attack, it took them by surprise. Gintoki didn't have time to react and he was knocked to the ground. They chained him and he was powerless.

The only thing he could do as he recalled the events was empty another bottle of beer. He stopped counting after a while, but he was probably close to 10 now. The owner was going to refuse serving him anything soon, or even kick him out because he was too depressing for the other costumers. 

A week passed and he still could see clearly the look in Kagura's eyes as she was cut down. Shinpachi's screams, the sound of the sword, her body thumping on the ground, the lack of life in her beautiful blue eyes. Shinpachi didn't make it either. He was next on line. They had just enough time to make him suffer the same fate before the Shinsengumi came in running. They were too late and Gintoki had been useless. 

He tried to break free from the ropes and chains keeping him down. There was no helping it, he had to trust them to get themselves out of this mess. It didn't work. And as the Shinsengumi verified their state, Gintoki could only stare at the void. What if he had listened more carefully to Hijikata for once? This wouldn't have happened. It was his fault. 

Why he was the only one to have survived didn't make any sense to him. How could two young, far too young, innocent children die and him, the most corrupted and trashiest man on earth be alive? He didn't understand, he couldn't understand. They deserved better.

Announcing the news to the people close to them was probably the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He had called Hijikata to come with him, to provide some support. Of course he accepted, he knew Gin was fragile at the moment, he couldn't refuse. 

Otae took the news so quietly they barely even recognized her. They were expecting her to lash out on them, to say something other then "Thank you for telling me." but she didn't. She saw them out and closed to door. They didn't see her for two weeks after that. 

Umibouzu just happened to be in town that day. Apparently, rumours didn't go as fast as Gintoki thought because he didn't know anything. When he finally managed to tell him -with Hijikata's help- Kagura's dad hit him in the face. He flew back into a shop and destroyed everything on his way. Umibouzu continued hitting him, screaming insults and crying at the same time. Before Gintoki could pass out, which he would have liked honestly, Hijikata stopped the angry man. He let go pretty easily, and left without another word, leaving Gintoki now physically bruised.

Otose shamelessly cried as Tama tried to comfort her. Despite being an emotionless robot, Gin could tell she was saddened by the lost of two good friends, family. 

The same scenario went for Tsukuyo and Sarutobi. They asked about Gintoki's well being, but he refused to answer the question. 

As Hijikata was about to leave, he said to Gin that he caught Sougo shedding tears this morning, as well as Kondo-san. He precised that he was sad too, but that he was more worried about him. He asked if he needed company, a friend or something for the night. Gintoki shook his head, and smiled weakly at him. He wanted to be alone. 

Drowning sadness in alcohol is probably not the best idea Gintoki could have found, that he could admit. It just worsen his mood, but he still didn't cry. He just kept staring at nothing, look blank and dead. If only he could turn back time, he would give his life a thousand times to save his family. There was no light left in his life, nothing worth living or trying anymore. 

When he got to the apartment the first night without them, drunk and tired, Sadaharu was gone. The place was cold, it felt lonely. He didn't have the courage to open Kagura's "room", nor did he want to go in the bathroom and see all her stuff there. He exit the place and passed out on one of the seats in Otose's bar. Never could he ever set foot in the Yorozuya. 

When the funeral came around, Gintoki was surprised to see so much people reunited in the same place for these brats. He saw Sougo and Otsuu-chan, and he couldn't stop himself from thinking how Kagura and Shinpachi would be shocked. The ceremony went by pretty quickly, Umibouzu didn't come though and it was the first time in two weeks Otae showed herself. Gintoki still hadn't cried and he wondered just what the hell was wrong with him. 

Later in the afternoon when everyone had left, Gintoki walked toward the cemetery where they had been buried. He was still expecting it to be a big joke, a prank, a test for his loyalty. He was expecting them to stand in the middle of the graves with smiles. But he was only greeted with two cold tombstones, getting wet from the rain. Uncountable number of flowers in front of them, and he just knew how they would hate that. All that unwanted attention from mostly strangers, they wouldn't like it. And as Gintoki remembered their face, the bickering in front of soap operas, the countless fights they had together, the picnics with the Shinsengumi, the walks with Sadaharu, the pointless jobs and the big jobs they did together, he started to cry. He fell on his knees, in the mud, and set his head on the ground. He screamed, he cried, he begged. He asked for forgiveness, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." He asked to end the suffering, the never ending pain, the guilt. He just wanted it to stop, because there wasn't any point anymore. Nothing was worth it, and he knew nothing could ever heal him. 

Two weeks after the events, Gintoki ran away. He closed the shop, packed his things and set sail to unknown places. He didn't say anything to anyone, except a note to Otose saying that if Sadaharu ever came back to care good care of him. 

He just couldn't bear the hurt anymore. It was over.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this was hard tbh. Please leave reviews!


End file.
